


Dirty sheets

by Itachi_Hoshigaki



Category: Naruto
Genre: Hotels, M/M, Motels, Sheets, dirty - Freeform, dirty sheets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-21 21:13:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7405060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itachi_Hoshigaki/pseuds/Itachi_Hoshigaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakuzu and Hidan in a motel room sharing a full sized bed, what could possibly happen?!?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sun was beating down on a hot summer day, the stench of freshly cut grass and blood filled the air. "Dammit Kakuzu!" Shouted a silver haired man, "we've been walking since fucking sunset, let's take a break for once!" The masked man glared at the Jashinist, eyes filled with bloodlust. "Shut up Hidan it's barely 11:00," Kakuzu spat.  
"Fuck you Kakuzu, I'm tired!"  
"I don't give a shit, we will keep walking till we find the goddam guy."  
"Can we at least stop for a snack?"  
"No need you're immortal you cannot die from hunger."  
"Aren't you hungry?"  
"No"  
Hidan simply grunted at the old mans response and continued on, hoping for a break soon. They walked for a few more miles, Kakuzu can sense that his partners body may indeed be immortal but it has its limits. Hidan was at his wits end. Any longer and he would have passed out. "Fine Hidan since you're such a brat I suppose we can stay at a motel." Said Kakuzu finally breaking the silence. "I'm not some cheap whore Kakuzu! Why can't we stay at a nice, clean hotel like that one there?" Hidan pointed in response. "Hidan, are you that dense? We need money for the organization and you splurging yourself on pool size hotel baths does not help!"  
"I don't want a fucking pool bath! I just want to sleep in a fucking bed that doesn't have shit on it!"  
"Then take the sheets off and request new ones. It's not that hard."  
"Fine I don't care anymore. I need to lie down before I pass out!"  
The two men continued on foot to the nearest motel, which wasn't that far. Hidan quickly ran towards the entrance, waiting for Kakuzu to come. "Hurry up old man!" Yelled Hidan, getting the attention of the employees in the motel. They all stared at him like a deer in the headlights, waiting to see what he was about to do. Hidan gave them a hard, cold glare and shouted, "the fuck you staring at?" With that, the employees regained their consciousness and resumed their duties, giving occasional glances his way. Hidan was about to kill someone when Kakuzu finally arrived. "Fuck Kakuzu I've been waiting forever! Jashin your so slow!"  
"Calm down Hidan, you don't want us getting kicked out do you?" Said Kakuzu  
"Whatever just hurry up and get a room!"  
"What does it look like I'm doing?"  
Kakuzu approached the desk and asked for a small room  
"Two beds please!" Blurted out Hidan. "No," said Kakuzu, "just one big sized bed."  
"The fuck Kakuzu!"  
"It's cheaper this way, shut up!"  
"Fuck, fine just hurry up will you? I wanna get in bed already!"  
"Ok one room with a full sized bed is what we have currently." Said the desk clerk. "We'll take it," said Kakuzu. "Ok thank you for your visit and have a good time tonight," the clerk winked at the two men. The silver haired man blushed a bit while the masked man smirked. Hidan was asking himself why he was blushing while Kakuzu was paying for the room. 'Why did I blush? Good time? Does she think we're gonna fuck? Me and Kakuzu? But we're both men! Straight men...I think. Does Kakuzu like men? Wait. Does he.. Like me? No way not possible, he hates my guts, plus why the fuck am I thinking this?' Hidan immersed in thought did not notice Kakuzu was already at the room. Quickly gathering his last big of strength the silver haired man walked over to the room. Hidan plopped on the bed before jumping off. "Fuck I forgot how dirty the sheets are! Gross did I get anything on me?" Hidan said as he quickly turned to look at his back in the mirror. "Hidan-" Kakuzu started ... "What," responded Hidan.  
"I..have extra sheets I'm been carrying, do you want them."  
"S-sure, but why do you have sheets?"  
"Idiot! I kept them for you so I don't have to hear you fucking complain all night about the dirty bed."  
"K-k-kuzu!"  
"Go to sleep Hidan!" Just when Kakuzu was about to walk out the door, he felt a force grabbing his sleeve-it was Hidan. "What do you want Hidan?"  
"Sleep with me?"  
"W-what?"  
"Aren't you tired? You need your rest." Hidan laid the new sheets on the bed. "Plus, it's getting late."  
"Oh..ok..sure Hidan I guess I'll sleep."  
"By the way Kakuzu?"  
"Yeah?"  
"WHY THE FUCK IS THE BED SO SMALL?!?!"  
"I DIDNT FUCKING PICK IT!"  
"YES YOU DID!"  
"Hidan quit yelling."  
"You're the one yelling!"  
"..fuck I'm going to sleep." Kakuzu slowly started taking off his clothes starting with his cloak. Hidan started to have a pink tint on his cheeks. He felt his face getting hotter just looking at Kakuzu..Hidan was trapped in his thoughts, he didn't notice the smirk forming on Kakuzu's face. Kakuzu rushed over to Hidan's side of the bed and grabbed his wrists,"the fuck Kakuzu! Get offa me!" Yelped Hidan, Kakuzu responded with a stern, "no."  
"What do you mean 'no'? Oi! Kakuzu what do you think you're doing?!" Kakuzu just stared at Hidan's beautiful purple orbs, he thought to himself, he won't be holding back tonight.  
"Oi! Kakuzu!"  
"Hidan..shut up for a fucking second! How blind are you?"  
"What?!?!"  
"I swear I'm gonna kill you someday."  
"The hell you are! I'm immortal you tart!"  
"..you are dense... Hidan can you read between the lines?"  
"What lines?"  
"..you're getting fucked.." And with what Kakuzu grabbed Hidan's head and moved it closer to his, smashing his lips on the Jashinist's. The kiss was rough at first but then they both eased into it. After what seemed like an eternity, they both withdrew for air. "Hidan..do you get it now?"  
"Y-yeah I guess.. I.." He was interrupted by another kiss, this one was more gentle. The two wished that this moment would never end, but alas there was a hard knock on the motel door. Kakuzu looked through the peep hole and announced to Hidan, "he's here."


	2. Gay sheets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lol but cringe すもませんでしたからね

{Previously on dirty sheets;  
-Hidan gay  
-Kakazu trying to fuck  
-door goes knock knock  
}

“Dare desuka kakazu!?!?!” Yelled Hidan  
“It’s him...it’s fucking Johnny man...” kakazu said melancholically.  
“Ah shite” exclaimed hidan.

¥flash back time boiz¥

Kaka and hidan were running some errands for the akatsuki and felt a heavy shadow following close by。。。

“Aye yo kakazu, there some sum bitch following us!”

“Mm mm”

“Dafuq you mean mm mm”

“Chill hidan I got this”

“Old man you better not get us killed”

Kakazu grunts as Hidan pouts and scrunches his nose. The two members enter a dark and shady looking alley。。。

“This is your fucking plan old man?!?!!? He has us trapped now!” Yelled Hidan 

“Quit your bitching for a sec! I told you I got this!”

The two can sense the stalker approaching quietly. Kakazu quickly takes out his tentacles and places a trip wire near them.

“You’re a fucking idiot!”   
“No you”

The figure approaches the alley. Hidan gasped loudly as Kakazu rolled his eyes hard.

“I TOLD YOUR BITCH ASS TO LEAF ME ALONE!!!” Shouted Kakazu

“Who dis?” Questioned Hidan.

The man threw his cape off revealing his rock hard abs and his thicc thighs for days, making Hidan a nice gogo girls nail polish shade of red。

“WHO am I you ask?!?” The pretty blonde abs boy scoffed at the Jashinist.

“I。。。am kakazu’s husband!”

¥intense piano music¥

“What the fu-“

“Hidan lets go” interrupted Kakazu

“The fuck you mean let’s go bitch you married?”

“Fuck no、this some stalker boi following me around!”

“But I love you!” Yelled blonde boi

“Bitch no” giggled Hidan 

“Fuck you I ain’t no bitch”

“Bet”

“Suck my balls”

“Ew no” 

//Hidan wanted to thou you already know

“Hidan lets just go we’re gonna be late” sighed Kakazu 

“Cya later blonde balls”

“Fuck You I’m Johnny”

~flash back fin~

“Don’t let him in Kakazu!” Exclaimed Hidan 

“I know” grunted Kakazu. “If we just be quiet maybe he’ll leave•”

“Um Kakazu”

“What”

“Look out the window”

“Dafuq”

The two were shocked as they saw rock abs Johnny climb the side of the building and teleport jitsu past the window”

“Boy if you don’t stop-“ 

“Hush now boy! Kakazu is mine!”

“NO HE AINT”

“BITCH”

“We just fucked he ain’t trying to get with you”

“Hidan for fucks sake it was just a kiss” interrupted Kakazu.

“Kakazu。。。 how could you cheat on me!” Cried Johnny 

“Get the fuck out!” Yelled Kakazu 

“No! I love you and I will fight for you! GET UP OLD MAN ITS TIME TO FIGHT”

“For the love of kami” sighed Kakazu as he sat down 

“Bring it on pretty boy!” Hidan said as he took a sip of cold mango black tea lemonade that’s been sold out everywhere for a while now.

“I challenge you。。。to a rap battle!”

The two akatsuki members haha loledー  
Little did Johnny know that Hidan raps on the daily~~~

“I’ll start” Hidan jumped up and was getting ready to pose 

¥¥incoming cringeworthy¥¥

“Bitch what are you gay?   
Miss me with that sarangay  
I ain't tryin to play you already know that shit ain't ok  
Finna lay you down like a tray   
this is Tokyo bitch not Canada   
Think you so tough?   
You ain't man enough”

Kakazu splat out his Pepsi, he looked at Johnny and Hidan。。。this was gonna be fun。。。

“Humpf no rhythm, lemme show you how a pro does it!

Check check ah yah ah yah  
Lol wow boiz everywhere  
Getting litty with a titty  
Kakazu down my shaft   
You already know honey   
We just getting staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaated”

“That was painful to watch!” Yelled Hidan   
“Yeah” agreed Kakazu

“But kaka~ I did it for you!” Moaned Johnny.

“Hidan。。。finish him”

“With pleasure~

You finna catch these hands boy   
Don’t know what hit ya  
Yous gonna feel that one tomorrow  
Going home thinking I missed   
Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch please  
This ain’t no university china this cud boi  
Ch ch ch chia up this bitch   
With a fist o fear  
Ain’t no body gonna flounce me   
Unless yous a Hokkaido queer  
Sayonara boi   
Kakazu trynna smash”

Hidan punctuated his rap by shanking Johnny’s head off

“Hidan you’ve got blood on the fucking sheets!” Yelled Kakazu 

“Don’t suppose you got another set on ya?” Hidan giggled as he and Kakazu slipped under the 。。。dirty sheets.

Until they were interrupted by another knock on the door kekekekekekek

“Fuck”


End file.
